Second Best

Thoughts furiously enter my conscious mind,

One after another,

A flurry,

A flood,

Questions,

Unanswered,

Madness in constant motion,

Searching,

No replies,

Only turmoil,

A deconstruction,

Shattered glass from a high pitched scream,

Deep dark abyss.

A difference in pressure,

The irrelevant,

A wall that breaks the waves tumbles down,

Down,

Down,

Down,

Met by a resistance of the highest calibre,

Threatened,

Confounded,

The undeniable stench of insult to injury,

The unequivocal benevolence of disgust,

Distraught in misdemeanour,

I sit,

My eyes glaze over in effect,

My thoughts still zooming at the speed of light,

My coping mechanism takes over.

My fingers move swiftly across the levers of life,

Pushing,

Pulling,

Pressing buttons,

Watch with baited breath.

Explosions?

Or a sea of calm?

Or an unceremonious shudder in the fabric of existance?

Self efficacy still an inherent trait,

Never back down,

Never give up,

Stand your ground and fight.

Fight.

Fight.

I do not fight.

Disappointment encapsulates my being.

The rut that needs to be climbed out of.

Someone hand me a rope, 

A ladder,

Anything,

The piercing stares of the dark,

The deafening silence.