It's going for what, two posts daily now, but I think it's time for for a serious soul-searching type post after a few really random asinine ones and a few that make not much sense.

All who know me well know enough to tell that I hardly let the impenetrable wall with an energy shield that surrounds me down for even a second. Occasionally, the shield capacity that cover it go from 'kill' to 'stun' just so that I could feel okay about divulging some secret I find completely weak if exposed. These few people who've had experienced my 'sharing' times are my closest and dearest but even they don't know what goes in the deep recesses of my mind.

Many years ago, when I was but a fool child, I put it upon myself to feel next to nothing. Feelings are seen as weak, crying is even more so. There were a lot of back log when it comes to my inner workings. I could never tell anyone anything about feelings that go beyond anger and hate. Occasionally, the spirit of joy and festivities leak out inherently and now the feelings just under what we would call 'warm squishy bits' has begun to pour out.

I admit to being cold and hard on the outside but inside is a mindless batch of fluffy bunnies just waiting to burst out in a fit of colourful and non-violent rage.

I always felt as if I were to start opening up more I would be found strange and needy or just melodramatic. I have never had an outlet outside my secret journal to express the kinds of emotions that women do tend to have.

In other words, I feel that the world cannot take me as I am because I cannot fathom the fact that someone on this entire planet could possibly want to go and poke around inside my head. If I do find that one person who does not pass judgement upon me I shall be the happiest person on earth. Inside, I'm about as insecure as anybody else albeit I'm a lot more awesome.

I also guess that that is what love really is. The ability to take into stride every insecurity and fluff it up so that it no longer is an insecurity but an aspect of who a person really is and eventually will grow out of. Because really, if we all were without these naggy little titbits, we'd be less than human.