deep thought

It's good to meet up with the people you hung aroud in highschool. You never really thought about how long you'd really be friends with them. They come and they go. Like butterflies in your living room. There one day and gone the next or maybe even worse, lying on the ground lifeless. Dead. You never want that to happen to anyone you know. Even if you hate them.

A few shining faces that you recognise is all it takes to make you think life ain't all that bad. A few friendly faces that make you think scum is gold. For the moment that is. But the smiling faces would sooner or later go away. The people leave. Not forever but just long enough to show you that life is meaningless. Scum is scum and there was nothing you could ever do about it.

People tell you about these things and most times you shrug it off as if they've never seen the light of day and smell the flowers along the way. Cynics. Always there to blow you off balance the last minute. You live life always happy. Without fear of anyone or anything. The thought of death so far and distant that you almost never think about it. The almost refering to when you had funerals of people you hardly ever knew who had passed away. not leaving a single scartissue on your beating, jovial heart.

But that's never the case. You wake up one day feeling like the world was gonna end that there was nothing you could do about it. Nothing you could do about anything. You didn't control anything. You realised that everything controlled you. Not unlike a puppet. Sometimes it seems as if these days last forever, sometimes you snap out of it and sometimes you never do. That's the big D word isn't it? Depression. You can see yourself so pumped up with so much of prozac just so that you could consider coming out to face the world. You see the bottom of every barrel and the most you could do was wish everyone a good day. Good day. What good does everyone see in a good day. What is a good day?

Nothing makes you happy anymore. you get nagged incessantly for everything you do, don't do or even thought about doing. You can't sit still, stand up, can't even walk around. You can't think straight. You walk like a drunkout of a bar after a fight.

Then two neon glowing light comes at you and smashes you into an oblivion and at that moment in time you realise. You could've done more. You could've made a few people happy. You could've made yourself happy. But it's all over now. It's too late even to pray for yourself but you pray anyway. It's a start.

You wake up from the ringing of your cell phone and it's all a horrible nightmare. You spring off your bed happy to pick it up and it's the endless cycle. No guilt, no overbearing emotion. You have friends that take care of you. People you know who need you. People depend on you and there's nothing better than feeling dependable. You smile and and say hi to the other end of the line. Its nice to know you're needed.
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Note:
I'm not emo-ing. Just watched 'Goodfellas' on the advice of Vegeman. It's good stuff... Didn't realise how enjoyable mob movies are. The voice-over was awesome so can you imagine doing a very solemn voice in your head while reading the above? Gives you chills doesn't it?

To my darling Mutiarans... the pictures from the other day are posted nicely on my Facebook Albums. So go get Facebook so you can join in the festivities!

Memo: Remember people! You're ALIVE and it's all that matters.