I've so mellowed out it's not funny.
I can feel myself curling up into a comfy shell.
Sated but rather alone.
Alone.
Not really miserable...
Until something in the apartment stops working.
I am almost self sufficient.
No.
I am...
... Benevolent...
... Omnipotent...
Oh, who am I kidding.
Where is he?
Or she?
Where is my insanity?
My foothold,
My cuckold,
My comfort.
I feel nothing.
I feel excitement for others
I feel sad for myself for feeling excited for others.
I feel so much convoluted knots.
Tied up in my own consciousness,
A revery of questions and self discovery.
What is this?
Why am I feeling it?
For whom is it?
Is there none for whom this bell tolls.
A travelling satellite I feel I've become.
No celestial body with enough mass for any pull.
Gravity, thou art a sodding bitch.
A bastard child of laws.
Here I sit,
And ponder,
And question,
And stare into the eerie glow of the computer screen.
I sidle back into my home in my head.
Man, what a cop out.
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