LITANY AGAINST FEAR

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain."

-- Frank Herbert

Slowly rewatching all of the visual stuff for Frank Herbert's Dune before reading the main book.
No, I haven't read the book...
We'll see if I want to read the books that follow.

Found a thing on the internet that was interesting to read. Mayan Calendar and Zodiacs.

My write up is here. and I have no idea how it works. Will do more reading soon.
Also, I tested it on other sites as well and all answers popped up the same. No discrepancies.

How it works, apparently, is that I have a main sign called a Day sign, A Galactic Tone, and The Trecana Sign and finally, your Tree of Life.

Day Sign: Cauac (Rain)

Sometimes also called Storm. I guess ribut bila rasa hati berserabai? hahahaha...

Galactic Tone: Bolon (9)

What I find interesting is how this mirrors my Chinese life path (which is also 9) They really like doing math the same way. Add all the numbers until you only have one number remaining? THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

Trecana Sign: Monkey

This is apparently my tree of life -- Which is funny given many cultures have a version of 'The Tree of Life'. I ain't complainin' -- Past: Monkey ; Destiny: Deer ; Female: Serpent ; Male: Cane

They all pretty much point me in the same direction as the rest of the hoobiegoobiespiritual life stuff.

Natural leader, healer, life of the party when I wanna be, Monster when I don't get what I want. Levelheaded monarch lel.

What else is new? *shrugs*

Note to self.

Community Creation through writing
- Write about your experiences, interactions with people, interactions with space.
- Keep writing to 5 minutes... cos that's about the amount of time for people to ramble and still be interesting.
- Videos are good (because people have short attention spans)

Dear me, in relation to the above topic.
You know all this. You ask anyway. Why?
Because you are lazy. Itu sahaja.

Also...
It suddenly occurred to me that I can be a mystery hotel shopper.
Who specialises in disability access.
Why have I not thought about this before?
How do I get into this?
TELL ME NIAUUU...

Malaysia is a weird country.
We do everything to protect disabled children and try to let them grow healthy and strong and smart.
BUT once they are grown they aren't allowed the ability to find work they want in the companies that have accepted them BECAUSE these companies aren't accessible and don't have disabled friendly facilities.
They aren't allowed to be independent BECAUSE everything around them wasn't made to allow them to do things themselves.
So how then, you've raised a disabled child to believe in themselves but society hasn't fought enough for equal rights to life and living because adults aren't as important as children.

When I think of this, I come to a conclusion that you should have let us die.

Also,
I just found out that Malaysia is a State signatory of the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities which I find interesting because nothing is done to follow this pun.

Also, someone wrote an entire Journal on Employment of PWD in Malaysia: Drivers and Inhibitors and it looks like there's more inhibitors than there are drivers.

________________________________
Today we talk about mobility devices that have allowed PWDs to explore terrains in non-conventional wheelchairs.

http://www.delichon.uk/shop/hippocampe/beach-wheelchairs

I'm in a writing mood tonight, hesitant to do work and yet, the files are all open, reference folders splayed out. I'm just staring at the plans, coloured lines and all but my entire body aches from... something. This time, not ennui. I'm sure of it.

I'd ripped myself out of bed half an hour later than I was supposed to, groggy and in a mood, morning had snuck up on me too soon. With a harrumph, I'd put myself under a torrent of slightly cold water which got warmer the longer it went. I couldn't decide whether it was my skin getting used to the cold or the heater finally did its job, either way I was deeply disliking my unmet slumber.

I had to go to a mall for a meeting with an incredibly awesome woman who had sacrificed her Sunday for me. A nearly thirty, bright eyed, bushy-tailed upstart. Excited for the meeting, not excited to be in the bosom of capitalism. In response, I dressed down.

"If I'm going to do this, might as well pretend I'm going to the beach," I said to myself. "Really. A mall is the only safe place that's accessible and friendly for people with disabilities and yet I hate it."

- started talking about nantes, kismet and how we can work that into life
-3 goal branches in my life
- How funny is languages

Things I have learnt about me:

1. I may die of a heart attack when I get older... According to some BS research... *shrugs*

2. I don't like who I've been in any of my past romantic relationships and the thought of being involved makes me sick.

Today we're curating what I think are the best Gintama OSTs.

I've never been into Anime OSTs but the ones done for Gintama is really, really good! They're some very evocative, emotive and dynamic. It might just be why this show is addictive -- Also the gags are obviously 4th wall. We like it muchly.

All music is composed by Audio Highs and produced by Kamagata Eiichi. The Anime belongs to Hideaki Sorachi.

Audio Highs did good. So good.

We start with this... Sort of menacing-what-shappening-omg music
Gintama OST: 25 - Taigi wo Tousu Mae ni Manaa wo Touse Manaa wo


Man with an action plan, for sure. The kind of plan that may or may not involve explosions before winning.
Gintama OST: 27 - Temee Raa! Butta Kiru


Adventure time background music with a walking and doing stuff montage.
Gintama OST 2: 06 - Tabemono no Suki Kirai Ooi Nin

I think the majority of this song happens when it's a Madao arc. For a useless old man he has a pretty cool song.
Gintama OST 2: 31 - Jinsei wa Belt Conveyor no You

That snare emphasis though.
Gintama OST2: 35 - Ttaku Shikata nee naa, Ikuze!!

More thrash but this one sounds like you're chasing after something you've lost. There's a deep sense of panic in the notes.
Gintama OST 5: Kokujoutou No Ransen

More intense fight music
Gintama OST 5: 20 - Rokudenashi Futari

A lot of the 5th OST set is super intense. I had to refrain from posting them all here.
Gintama OST 5: 9 - Kono Kuni No Shokeu Nin

This one is mildly middle eastern
Gintama OST 5: 5 - Itoshisa To Setsunasa To Otokorashita To Onnarashita

Gamelan inspired
Gintama OST 5: 4 - Dekobokko Kyou

And the piece de resistance... This smug AF song is my ringtone. hahahahahaha
Gintama OST 5: 1 - Hazakasinagara Kaette Mairimashita

Okay dah.

Who Are You? Who-who, Who-who...

Who are you when no one is around?

"I am nothing and everything in it’s entirety"

- Martrice

I read this question on Quora last night and it's so incredibly interesting. Who AM I when I'm alone?
I'm the me-est me that ever could me, that's who.

Pajamas, binging on information, multitasking.
(Speaking of multitasking, I need a second screen)
Depending on who's in the house, calm and reserved or beyond paranoid that someone was going to barge into my room and try to have a conversation about something irrelevant while I'm trying to read, do work or watch something important.

I'm what society deems as callous, withdrawn, self-absorbed, ruthlessly autodidactic, nitpicky.
No airs and no walls around me because I'm not being judged.
I decide when and how I want to feel.
I smile when I want to, I cry when I want to.
I'm gross and contented. Happy, fat and lazy.
And in my pajamas.

BUT here's the kicker. I need to go hang out because I like socialising and being at home alone saps me of my energy and mirth, I'm extroverted. I need to go outside to remind myself why I don't like most humans.

Segue to...
Inspiration porn and why it's so difficult to explain it to people.
THIS PIECE was truly witty in trying to do just that and actually does a really good job!

Which brings me to why Inspiration porn is bad...
When one is afflicted with some kind of disability, one is constantly reminded that one is an inspiration to all simply because one has the outward appearance of super positivity. Therein lies he problem. Us disabled people have now been dehumanised because we CANNOT and MUST NOT complain because it makes the average person feel bad. boo-hoo.
I know it's easy to just tell us to try and open up now, as adults. Do you know how hard it is to change something hardwired in yourself to not do because everyone else gets sensitive when you get just a little bit emotionally negative? And they ask me why I'm dead inside, why I'm so cynical. Pft. It's because of all you special snowflakes.

Overall, I can safely say I'm still beyond pissed I can't work in an office of my choosing (who've accepted me prior and I had to reject) because they didn't have the facilities for disabled people.
Do you know how bad for your body it is to not be able to drink water because going to the bathroom is hell? I know, right? Who would've thought bathrooms were one of the most important things to humankind. BUT IT IS.

Walk the talk, Malaysians. You keep saying you're for inclusive environments but I haven't seen tangible progress!

While the 30 Day Video Game Challenge is happening, I think i should post something in the interim.

I have been invited to take part in a Design Leadership Program (DLP) but d.labs run by a former boss of mine. First week has been completed and there's so much left to do

Being a 4-week intensive, we were already given several tasks to do. Simple tasks like describing myself, my work, my past projects. The most interesting one was to Draw My Future.

It's based on the TEDtalk below.

Based on what Patti said...
What I drew looked like a 5th grader took a shit on an A3 paper.

BEHOLD, MY WORK OF ART!

(click image to read)

There we go. On the left we can see that I have gone back to my generally angry and dissatisfied ways. At least anger and dissatisfaction brings about change if I fight hard enough.

Tangent: During DLP last Saturday I had the most vivid case of deja vous. I had been there before. In my dream a long, long time ago. It was funny though because I was trying to explain a concept to my team but as I was explaining, the sense of being there before hit me so hard my explanation slowed down. I felt like I saw a ghost of what was.

On a side note, I want to talk about the current reveal for a treatment drug for SMA called Spinraza.
On one hand I'm absolutely elated. On the other hand, the price it's been given doesn't bode well for any one of us. Getting treatment with an orphan drug means that I have to probably be poor. Which sucks. We hope more drugs in the pipeline gets approved soon.

NEW 30 DAY CHALLENGE

NEW CHALLENGE!

For the next 30 days, starting now, I will post on Instagram (xposted to Twitter) the 30 Day Video Game Challenge!

When it's done, I shall post it all here in one massive post. HOHO!