Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) posted some questions he wanted the whole world to answer and it became a most beautiful set of replies and started trending like the crazies. I wanted to chime in but couldn't because I fell asleep so here's a post reply to all his wonderful questions, some not as poetic or heartfelt as some of the other replies but I'm giving it a shot.
His questions are in italics and my answers, well, you'll read them eventually. Kudos to all who sent in their amazing ditties!
Why is January so dangerous? #keepmoving #JanTale
January Isn't a very exciting name to have until you find yourself in a dark room with her pointing a gun to your face. Point Blank.
What's the strangest thing that ever happened to you in February? #FebTale #keepmoving
It took me all the strength I had to say that nothing happened. Except maybe being told off by a smartmouthed vagrant. Change, he said loudly.
What Historical figure does March remind you of? #MarTale
Napolean, actually. Given that he did get to "march" a troop. Even if he failed he tried.
What's your happiest memory of April? #AprTale
April is the month of my birth. I guess my happiest memory of it would be cakes. Just cakes and food and happy people wishing me well. April showers, I was showered with love.
What is the weirdest gift you've ever been given in May? #MayTale
I don' know what prompted a gift but there he was, under the rain in a trenchcoat. He was holding a box, obviously drenched. "Here," He said.
Where would you spend a perfect June? #JunTale
The perfect June would start with the end of a semester. It would end glouriously. And then I would go on vacation on a beach somewhere with a book, a bloke and a big coconut to keep me company.
What is the most unusual thing you have ever seen in July? #JulTale
The most unusual thing I have ever seen in July WAS July. She was there in her yellow gumboots and a red flowery Sunday hat. I giggled when it looked like the wind was about to send her away but she stayed.
If August could speak, what would it say? #AugTale #keepmoving
August could speak. There was no reason why he couldn't except his mother's birthday was today and he couldn't help his tears from flowing timidly from his stoic eyes. "I miss her so much."
Tell me something you lost in September that meant a lot to you. #SeptTale #keepMoving
I lost him in September. He didn't die but I did lose him. I lost someone I thought I loved and trusted because he did something he should never be proud of and no, I haven't forgiven him.
What mythical creature would you like to meet in October? #OctTale #KeepMoving
A motherfucking unicorn with WINGS.
What would you burn in November, if you could? #NovTale #keepmoving
Staring at the fire, the heat bathed my skin in warmth. The air outside was chilly and unwelcoming. He threw another log into the embers and I watched it burn.
Who would you like to see again in December? Don’t forget #DecTale
There, on the couch, was my grandfather. He was smiling at me but I knew he wasn't really there. I told him how happy I was to see him after so long, I missed him and I hoped he was proud of me.
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Things I need to do before I leave!
Buy underthings
Buy bathroom hooks for glass
Do the waxy-wax -- maybe
Mani-pedi with the sibling
Eugh... pack...
HOLY SHIT! Cambodia for 7 nights for cheap, the plane ticket is not too bad AND I can dive there! So if I get enough people to want to go to Siem Riep with me in late June, early July, it'll be golden! Two birds with one stone! Dive trip AND Angkor Wat!... This is, of course, if I have someone to go with. I can't go alone... Even if I wanted to.
Oooh AND I can vote overseas. :3
myoverseasvote.org/
Wheeheeee
So, anyway, if I had to label myself, I'd be a selective misanthrope. Because I hate people, people are stupid.
Buy underthings
Buy bathroom hooks for glass
Do the waxy-wax -- maybe
Mani-pedi with the sibling
Eugh... pack...
HOLY SHIT! Cambodia for 7 nights for cheap, the plane ticket is not too bad AND I can dive there! So if I get enough people to want to go to Siem Riep with me in late June, early July, it'll be golden! Two birds with one stone! Dive trip AND Angkor Wat!... This is, of course, if I have someone to go with. I can't go alone... Even if I wanted to.
Oooh AND I can vote overseas. :3
myoverseasvote.org/
Wheeheeee
So, anyway, if I had to label myself, I'd be a selective misanthrope. Because I hate people, people are stupid.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Glorified thundercunt
Ms. Sharifah Zohra Jabeen, I have never seen someone interrupt a perfectly good tirade. I have never called anyone a gratituous self righteous thundercunt before but you, Sharifah Zohra Jabeen, are a gratituous self righteous thundercunt.
NO, YOU LISTEN, YOU SELF RIGHTEOUS OVERGLORIFIED BUTTHOLE OF AN EXCUSE CALLING YOURSELF A 'Presiden Suara Wanita 1M'. President of what? How bout you take your "presidency" and shove it up your self righteous asshole.
It looks like you think respect should be given because you're older? Have a degree? No. Respect is earned and you have earned nothing. Worthless piece of shite. The sole of my feet aches from the thought of having you clutter the ground with your stink.
I am really sad that the hijabis/melayus and other 'scholars' didn't stand up for the brave Ms. Bawani. There should be applaud for her tirade, for her standing up for her rights, for our rights. Or even to stand up for her damn right to finish her sentences!
But hey, you listen. Let Bawani finish. Shaking her hand and letting her stand to speak is not respect, it's common curtesy. Respect is letting her finish her goddamn speech!
Have you heard how annoying you are repeating yourself like a little bastard and saying things irrelevent to the point? Hahaha... Jangan compare negara kita ke negara lain. If there is no comparison, no changes can be made, no competition can be had. Since you were comparing our problems to animals -- Cats? Dogs? APA KENA-MENGENA??? Do you know why some animals thrive and some dont? Competition and comparison -- without which, that species will fall into overspecialisation and cease to exist. So you're saying we shouldn't exist now? Reading between the lines. I think your degree should be revoked and you should ge back to school. Or maybe you should travel a little. Your katak di bawah tempurung attitude is hurting us as a nation. You, who was supposed to represent women. You, who was supposed to at least sound educated in your response. I am shamed buy your corrupt and cavalier attitude towards free thinking and free speech. I am shamed by your inability to understand that respect is earned. I am shamed that you don't even know the rules of debate.
Why don't you ask your government to sponsor you a clue from whatever fund you spawned from, you inappropriate excuse for a woman. Please, go back to your hole and stay there. We don't like you, here on Earth. We hope you don't spawn.
Sekian, terima kasih,
Insha'allah we never have to see or hear from you again, you waste of oxygen.
Video at:
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=439914159396680
NO, YOU LISTEN, YOU SELF RIGHTEOUS OVERGLORIFIED BUTTHOLE OF AN EXCUSE CALLING YOURSELF A 'Presiden Suara Wanita 1M'. President of what? How bout you take your "presidency" and shove it up your self righteous asshole.
It looks like you think respect should be given because you're older? Have a degree? No. Respect is earned and you have earned nothing. Worthless piece of shite. The sole of my feet aches from the thought of having you clutter the ground with your stink.
I am really sad that the hijabis/melayus and other 'scholars' didn't stand up for the brave Ms. Bawani. There should be applaud for her tirade, for her standing up for her rights, for our rights. Or even to stand up for her damn right to finish her sentences!
But hey, you listen. Let Bawani finish. Shaking her hand and letting her stand to speak is not respect, it's common curtesy. Respect is letting her finish her goddamn speech!
Have you heard how annoying you are repeating yourself like a little bastard and saying things irrelevent to the point? Hahaha... Jangan compare negara kita ke negara lain. If there is no comparison, no changes can be made, no competition can be had. Since you were comparing our problems to animals -- Cats? Dogs? APA KENA-MENGENA??? Do you know why some animals thrive and some dont? Competition and comparison -- without which, that species will fall into overspecialisation and cease to exist. So you're saying we shouldn't exist now? Reading between the lines. I think your degree should be revoked and you should ge back to school. Or maybe you should travel a little. Your katak di bawah tempurung attitude is hurting us as a nation. You, who was supposed to represent women. You, who was supposed to at least sound educated in your response. I am shamed buy your corrupt and cavalier attitude towards free thinking and free speech. I am shamed by your inability to understand that respect is earned. I am shamed that you don't even know the rules of debate.
Why don't you ask your government to sponsor you a clue from whatever fund you spawned from, you inappropriate excuse for a woman. Please, go back to your hole and stay there. We don't like you, here on Earth. We hope you don't spawn.
Sekian, terima kasih,
Insha'allah we never have to see or hear from you again, you waste of oxygen.
Video at:
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=439914159396680
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
I sit here and ponder and wonder about the amazing thing that is my... uterus. I joke. Nothing to do with my uterus. I thought it would make a good opening statement.
I keep reading guys posing up on how to keep your boyfriends and all I can think of is how these people treat their girlfriends in quite the opposite way. I say, do onto others. Yes, it doesn't matter how other people treat you, you have to have the humilty and decency to always be a human being.
You want her to never bring up her ex? Tell her you care more often, maybe she'll start seeing you as a compassionate, kind, loving man instead of the guy after her ex. The reason why she probably talks about him so much is probably because she wants YOU to do better. Don't be a dumbfuck.
You want her to give you space? What does that even mean? Seriously? She has needs too and doesn't exist purely for your pleasure. She probably needs space to. Hell, if you keep telling her to give you space she might just give you the ultimate space. "Let's see other people," And then you call her a bitch. Fuck you la.
We should never take people for granted or think that relationships come easy. I wish we still fought for the things we cared for and patched things up instead of finding ways to replace it. Something new isn't necessarily something better, nor is it necessarily good for you.
We should never put him or her on the backburner because one day they'll be gone and we'll kick ourselves for not trying harder.
This public service announcement was brought to you by my uterus. Which also looks like a shark's brain.
Sekian.
P/S: How to keep your girlfriend.
1. Don't be a dick.
2. Don't fucking cheat on her.
I keep reading guys posing up on how to keep your boyfriends and all I can think of is how these people treat their girlfriends in quite the opposite way. I say, do onto others. Yes, it doesn't matter how other people treat you, you have to have the humilty and decency to always be a human being.
You want her to never bring up her ex? Tell her you care more often, maybe she'll start seeing you as a compassionate, kind, loving man instead of the guy after her ex. The reason why she probably talks about him so much is probably because she wants YOU to do better. Don't be a dumbfuck.
You want her to give you space? What does that even mean? Seriously? She has needs too and doesn't exist purely for your pleasure. She probably needs space to. Hell, if you keep telling her to give you space she might just give you the ultimate space. "Let's see other people," And then you call her a bitch. Fuck you la.
We should never take people for granted or think that relationships come easy. I wish we still fought for the things we cared for and patched things up instead of finding ways to replace it. Something new isn't necessarily something better, nor is it necessarily good for you.
We should never put him or her on the backburner because one day they'll be gone and we'll kick ourselves for not trying harder.
This public service announcement was brought to you by my uterus. Which also looks like a shark's brain.
Sekian.
P/S: How to keep your girlfriend.
1. Don't be a dick.
2. Don't fucking cheat on her.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Things I want to do that would probably waste time and entertain me more than anything else:
1. Make Etsy store account to sell random crap I make (And anything else)
2. Make "multi-purpose" greeting cards
3. Make random words fridge magnet things with additional doodles
4. Probably start drawing again...
5. Most probably start writing again...
6. Probably design some mugs and t-shirts and some prints as well...
7. And Stickers and badges because everyone likes that shit...
8. And finally start illustrating stuff.
I don't know, all these lovely ideas floating around. I feel 2013 is a good year.
Is.
Because law of attraction, yanno?
1. Make Etsy store account to sell random crap I make (And anything else)
2. Make "multi-purpose" greeting cards
3. Make random words fridge magnet things with additional doodles
4. Probably start drawing again...
5. Most probably start writing again...
6. Probably design some mugs and t-shirts and some prints as well...
7. And Stickers and badges because everyone likes that shit...
8. And finally start illustrating stuff.
I don't know, all these lovely ideas floating around. I feel 2013 is a good year.
Is.
Because law of attraction, yanno?
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
The Tao of Sha:
(Of which there are five -- Nothing more, nothing less)
Food:
Food is for sustenance, enjoyment, bonding.
Food is culture, limitless experimentation, trial, error, experimentation.
Food is understanding and acceptance of any differences within the confines of ones life.
Friends:
No man is an island.
No man exists in perpetual aloneness.
No man is devoid of company.
But when a person discovers a group he or she is meant to be around and keep in company for as long as he or she can, know that experience and knowledge is only there for both personal and communal gain.
Music:
Notes, stanzas, words, chords, mixing, understanding, amalgamate of amazement. Without sound, without motion, be it kinetic or vibrations, life cannot exist.
Drink:
Impetus for change, for thought.
Aqua Vitae or Liquid courage it matters not.
Passion, adventure, thought and the line of imagination.
To be without is to be devoid of humour and fun but to have too much and without fear of consequence is to forget oneself and to become oblivion.
Hydration is key.
Travel:
Open oneself to the world at large, away from ones creature comforts, ones safe zones.
Arbitrary is the feeling of being kept.
Adventure keeps the spirits alive.
(Of which there are five -- Nothing more, nothing less)
Food:
Food is for sustenance, enjoyment, bonding.
Food is culture, limitless experimentation, trial, error, experimentation.
Food is understanding and acceptance of any differences within the confines of ones life.
Friends:
No man is an island.
No man exists in perpetual aloneness.
No man is devoid of company.
But when a person discovers a group he or she is meant to be around and keep in company for as long as he or she can, know that experience and knowledge is only there for both personal and communal gain.
Music:
Notes, stanzas, words, chords, mixing, understanding, amalgamate of amazement. Without sound, without motion, be it kinetic or vibrations, life cannot exist.
Drink:
Impetus for change, for thought.
Aqua Vitae or Liquid courage it matters not.
Passion, adventure, thought and the line of imagination.
To be without is to be devoid of humour and fun but to have too much and without fear of consequence is to forget oneself and to become oblivion.
Hydration is key.
Travel:
Open oneself to the world at large, away from ones creature comforts, ones safe zones.
Arbitrary is the feeling of being kept.
Adventure keeps the spirits alive.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
My Friend Is Jeebus (Because I Said So)
I had to write on Wen's wall:
"Can I call you Jesus? You've the Jesus birthday... I'll call you jesus, then you can bless my alcohol, my wheels, my ass and my cats. Amen."
The bad news is, now she likes it and wants it sung as her birthday present.
The worst news is I am REALLY bad at making up happy random songs and then singing it.
But I'll try.
"Can I call you Jesus? You've the Jesus birthday... I'll call you jesus, then you can bless my alcohol, my wheels, my ass and my cats. Amen."
The bad news is, now she likes it and wants it sung as her birthday present.
The worst news is I am REALLY bad at making up happy random songs and then singing it.
But I'll try.
My Friend Is Jeebus (Because I Said So)
A fine Thursday afternoon,
On a shopping mall excursion,
Shir Wen had called me on the phone,
For musical diversions.
I ran through all my contacts,
within seconds in my head,
But that is all irrelevant
In my cranium all was said...
Can I call you Jeebas? You've the Jeebas birthday...
I will call you jeebas,
then you can bless my alcohol, my wheels, my ass and my cats.
You can bless them any day
Amen.
Her birthday's on the twenty fifth
Of the last month every year
That's the same day the Jeebas was born
That much was oh, so clear.
Does that make her like Jeebas, then?
I guess that's likely true
She does have some pretty cool superpowers
Like making random shit look cool.
So,
Can I call you Jeebas? You've the Jeebas birthday...
I will call you jeebas,
then you can bless my alcohol, my wheels, my ass and my cats.
You can bless them any day
Amen.
Okay, no, maybe she can't save you from diseases
And she doesn't have a beard.
But dress her up in sandals and a robes,
She's all Messiah-like, ya heard?
Go Shir Wen,
As Jeebas,
Go Shir Wen,
As Jeebas,
Go Bless things,
In robes-es,
Then use your Grum in Proses.
*grum solo*
The end.
hahahahahahahahahahhahaha...
Saturday, December 08, 2012
Friday, December 07, 2012
On the way back to the car from smokes and Monopoly when suddenly...
*Me about to get off the wheelchair to get into the Sarah's car escorted by Shazam and Junee*
Shazam:
HAAAAALELUJAH, PRAISE THE LORD IT'S A MIRACLE!
Me:
WTF HAHAHAHAHA...
*sits back down, defeated by an onslaught of laughter*
Sarah:
PRAAAISE THE LORD!
Me:
LOOORDY LORD, AMEN, AMEN, AMEN...
Sarah:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Shazam:
*hand outstretched over my head*
RELEASE THE EVIL, THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!
*Bursts of giggle fits, cheek hurting, tummy cramping giggle fits.*
Me:
Alright, shut up and let me get off this thing.
Sarah:
Tu la, gelak banyak sangat until she cannot bangun also!
Me:
I swear to god, the minute I try to get up he's gonna start...
Shazam:
No, no! I promise I wont! I won't lah...
Me:
Yeah, I bet.
*Attempts to get off the wheelchair again*
Shazam:
LORD HAVE MERCY, IT'S A MIRACLE
*everyone dies laughing*
Except for Junee... She got distracted by a cat... :|
That was the abridged version and actually went on for pretty long... I can't remember the whole thing because I was too busy laughing.
On a shittier note, the USB keys by Pangea Global decided to fuck it and die, effectively consuming more than half of my Thailand trip photos. Innalillah ke photos of Thailand, hopefully this never happens again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)